How do we get confidence

So how do we get confidence in the areas that we may be lacking?

The Body

The first and most important technique is the use of our body. Everything that comes into our mind gets filtered through our body. Notice how we breathe when we are happy, where our shoulders are when we feel powerful, and how relaxed our muscles are when we are depressed. Each is distinctive to its own emotional state. For example, if we are happy, our breathing is usually fast and deep; yet if we are depressed, it’s usually slow and shallow. These are human recipes called "Condition Formulas" and every emotional state has its own. Consider the last time you felt confident, how were you breathing, was your body tense or relaxed, was your head up or down, where were your eyes, were your movements fast or slow, were you standing or sitting? The answers to these questions depict your physical Condition Formula for confidence. So the first step toward confidence is the implementation of this formula.

A study was done at Malaya University with patients suffering from manic-depression. When the patients were winding down from their manic state, in place of drugs (the usual treatment for this condition to balance emotions), they were asked to simply smile consistently. The results were astonishing. Nearly 80% overcame the depressive state without drugs and were able to maintain emotional stability. And all they did was smile. The study proved the direct correlation between the body and the way we feel. So the first step, remember your Condition Formula for confidence, and implement all the elements of the formula (i.e. breath, posture, movement, etc.) into your current body state.

Focus

Our brain can only truly concentrate on one thing at any given time, we cannot read this article and watch the news at the same time. So as you continue to read, you process the information according to your own experience and values; then, YOU determine whether the information is true or false, good or bad, implementable or not. We do this with every occurrence, every situation and every action. Like a diamond, every circumstance has many sides, some are shiny, some are brilliant, some are dull some are flawed, and when we look at one, that’s all we see. We often see situations that cross our paths, from the perspective of the dull or flawed and hence destructive sides and thus fail to see the brilliant or shiny constructive sides. But it is a choice, and we must make a conscious effort to decide which side to look at.

A haunting testament to this summons the memory of the first time I gave a presentation. It was in front of a group of attorneys. Before the speech I kept reflecting on how much more experience these individuals had than I did, and thinking to myself “What can I tell these people that they already don’t know?”, I was focusing on the fact that they were older than I was and how their age equated to knowledge. I failed miserably at delivering the information I was to present. Why? Not because of a lack of knowledge, not because of lack of preparation, but because I focused on all the reasons needed to consume my confidence - reasons that translated to loss of ideas, stuttering, and just plain poor delivery. In retrospect, if I had thought about the reality of the situation in the first place, my confidence level as well as the outcome of the presentation would have been drastically improved. They were attending the presentation because they believed they could learn from me, and the fact was, that I was speaking on a specialized topic that the average lawyer was only generally familiar with. I had more experience on this topic than any of the people in the room regardless of age. But at the time, it was easier to focus on the why not, giving me an excuse to fail. I set myself up and I did a disservice to the people that came to see me. It would have only taken a few moments to ponder the other side, to focus on the reasons why I was qualified, why I could speak well, and why I had a great deal to offer my audience. Confidence in any situation is a product of our body and then our focus. Both require a conscious decision to alter, and both make a huge difference in the outcome of our efforts. The next two steps are the tools to establish confidence as a basic element in our subconscious. To program oneself for a spontaneous confidence that just happens in any required situation. Learn what these tools are and how to use them in