Confidence - Frame The Concept

Changing the meaning of what we associate to any situation can dramatically change the results we get. Fashioning new associations into habits helps to set the foundation for a spontaneous confidence-a confidence that develops unconsciously as we continue to implement our tactics, until one day it is part of us. One example from the personal archives of my past was an episode in High School where I was, in the eyes of my peers, a nerd. And the first female I ever asked on a date, laughed at me. Needless to say, I was devastated, rejection was synonymous with humiliation and any trace of confidence was crushed by this unforgettable mental image of laughter. A few years later however, I realized that the lack of confidence I had about women was not a healthy one, and it would rob me of future romance and connection that I believed would enrich my life. So I decided to change.

Firstly I asked myself what rejection really meant in this case. I decided it signified that if I was rejected, the relationship was never meant to be. And if it wasn’t meant to be, I would be saving time and money by circumventing an unnecessary date.

Second, I thought about what success was in this instance, and decided that it was not in getting the date (that became a benefit of the process), but in assertively and confidently asking for the date. Soon, every time I was rejected, I was empowered with my success in asking, and in saving time and money. In each case I gained more confidence, and as time went on, I was rejected less and less (roughly guessing, from about 4% success to over 59% success). I had overcome my obstacle by repositioning the meanings of what I was taught by society, and the actions that offered me this empowerment and confidence quickly became second nature. I couldn’t lose.